Dear C.B.U,
You see I have this tendency to freak out at certain times and I try very hard to calm down to no avail. Sometimes it takes me hours to calm down. Before it was different, I was calm and content with my life until a small incident of where I "accidentally" left a boy to drown and as a result the love of my life abandoned me and refuses to ever see me again. Now, I have nightmares and thoughts about it the guilt is eating me alive I have no idea what to do! I don't ever disclose this to anyone because I am scared to death of judgement the world will bring on. I know what I did was wrong but I don't regret it because I considered that boy like a rock that was blocking my path to happiness. Honestly, I have thought about suicide specially when I freak out and go into a post-traumatic state. At this point in my life, I know I won't get both of them back but I just don't want to face reality anymore.
-Vera Claythorne
Dear Vera Claythorne,
We have all committed mistakes in our lives because no one is perfect. If you can seek this "love of my life" out tell him how you honestly feel; tell him you regret it and then offer to visit this young boy's grave with him. Do not assume that he will accept you right away and if he does it's best to not bring up the topic about relationships anymore. "Time" is the keyword for a part of your problem it will take time for his and your heart to heal but DO NOT give up! Suicide is not the answer be optimistic about it change your character and learn to live on will. The young boy that you let go off will never come back and you must face it, you must face your mistakes courageously as you cannot run away from reality.
The tendency to freak out might be a sign that you have hysteria. I suggest immediate counseling for this because being in a post-traumatic state for too long can affect your emotions wildly and you might end up hurting yourself in some way(which again isn't the answer). If you really want to break out of this cycle seek counseling and try thinking positive do not be afraid of being judged instead steer yourself toward the right path. Remember that there will always be criticism in this world and what's done is done. You might be thinking the sin that you have committed deserves jail time but really can anything bring the boy back? The best thing to do as I have mentioned before is to discuss it with the guy you were supposed to be with. He might never forgive you but that's understandable and in that case keep living life to the fullest and help those in need so that you will feel better about yourself maybe offer his relatives some help, apologize to them, and do everything in your power to make sure this kind of "accident" never occurs again (at least not when your on the watch).
-With love, C.B.U